Rambling of a Normal Guy: Stories from Camp Wonton (Prologue)

Welcome to another addition of ramblings of a normal guy. This is my special column where I go off on wild rants complaining about the things that happen and effect my (and ours) every day life. Of course, this won't be the case today, since "Camp Wonton" is just a fun and rather silly side project a group of friends and I thought up one night. Because of the excessive amounts of silliness that will be featured, a large amount of inappropriate language will most likely be used. Not to mention some rather horrid attempt to hit on a lesbian. So sit back and enjoy our stupidity!

Chapter: The Prologue

Jamie Rowley has entered the room.

Jamie Rowley has renamed the room Weekend getaway.

Heidi Morgan has entered the room.

John Mellon has entered the room.

Henry ‘Ashka’ Biddle has entered the room.

Kacyn Evanowicz has entered the room.

Sean O'Neill has entered the room.

Lanie Duff has entered the room.

Karl Beck has entered the room.

Kyle Michael Walls has entered the room.

Eddie Malone has entered the room.

Bruno Paula has entered the room.

Danielle Fish has entered the room.

Steve Pak has entered the room.

Nero Altezio Strife has entered the room.

Melyssa Kennedy has entered the room.

Kyle Michael Walls: Room party! *rips pants off*

Melyssa Kennedy: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Glitter for everyone!

Henry ‘Ashka’ Biddle:  Hey Lanie, I got a room you can enter.

Lanie Duff: FU Biddle.

Henry ‘Ashka’ Biddle: I told you every night to your picture.

Lanie Duff: …. Oh my God.  Die, just die already.

Melyssa Kennedy: Guess what guys; I’m going to another Offspring concert! Front row seats!

Nero Altezio Strife:  Hopefully you won’t get eaten by a pterodactyl.

Kyle Michael Walls: Speaking of eating, I’m hungry!

Eddie Malone: Me to, what do you want? I feel like cooking.

Kyle Michael Walls: MAH DICK.

Eddie Malone: Not sure how I can cook your dick, but now I’m feeling some deep fried dick now.

Henry ‘Ashka’ Biddle: Someone is having nightmares tonight.

Danielle Fish: ALL SHALL BURN AT MY GAZE, ALL SHALL KNEEL BEFORE MY GLORY.

Eddie Malone: Hunny, I’m a queen and I only get on my knees for Kyle.

Bruno Paula: Make it stop dad, make it stop.

Danielle Fish: Btw have Zach next to me, just in case you need to ask him a question.

Danielle Fish: Hope we’re not being a bother!

Karl Beck: Yea… so one of Sean’s boob bags burst, and he is busy cleaning that up. I’ll tell him everything that is going on…

Karl Beck: And wtf is going on already…

Henry ‘Ashka’ Biddle: Come to the dark side, we have cookies!

Kacyn Evanowicz: I don’t wanna.

Jamie Rowley: Wow…

Jamie Rowley: So, before this gets any worse, guess what guys!

Henry ‘Ashka’ Biddle: Lanie is pregos with my baby?

Lanie Duff: I’m going to rip Hank’s dick off and beat him with it?

Henry ‘Ashka’ Biddle: Hott…..

Kyle Michael Walls: You figured out what you would do for a klondike bar?

Eddie Malone: I know WHO I would do.

Nero Altezio Strife: Septa Raptor?

John Mellon: GUYS I’M DRUNK AND IM NOT WEARING PANTS AGAIN.

Kacyn Evanowicz: Oh dear….

Kyle Michael Walls: Be right over!

Eddie Malone:  Take pictures dear, and make sure you bring back some cheese; we are all out of cheese. 

Jamie Rowley: … no.

Danielle Fish: DID YOU FIND A WAY TO BRING BACK THE MAYAN’S? I FELL LIKE BURNING THEM IN HELL FIRE AGAIN.

Jamie Rowley: …. No.

Melyssa Kennedy: You won a contest to meet offspring?

Jamie Rowley: Close, but still no.

Jamie Rowley:  I won a company contest; it’s a fully paid trip to the company cabin! I can bring as many friends as I want.

Henry ‘Ashka’ Biddle: Cool!

Lanie Duff: Lucky son of a bitch!

Heidi Morgan: Party at Jamie’s place!

Kacyn Evanowicz: Must be nice.

John Mellon:  CAN WE GO DRINKING IN THE WOODS; I HAVE TO TAKE A MAJOR PISS FACTOR.

Henry ‘Ashka’ Biddle: What even is a piss factor?

John Mellon:  I’M TAKING A HUGE PISS IN THE WIND! WEEEEEEE LOOK AT THEM GO!

Nero Altezio Strife:  Better watch out or Septa will hit you.

Jamie Rowley:  Seriously guys? You’re all special.  

Kacyn Evanowicz:  So I guess you want us to go or something?

Jamie Rowley: You got it! Everyone in this room are people I want to come with me. What do you all say?

Lanie Duff: If I can get off sure.

Henry ‘Ashka’ Biddle:  *snickers*

Lanie Duff: Crawl up your own ass and DIE Hank!

Kyle Michael Walls: Sounds like fun!

Eddie Malone: A weekend without drama? I am so in.

Henry ‘Ashka’ Biddle: I’m game assuming I can get off to.

Danielle Fish: SINCE I WISH TO WRESTLE A BEAR, I WILL GO AS WELL.

Danielle Fish:  Oh I should make cookies!

Karl Beck: Sean and I are in.

Henry ‘Ashka’ Biddle: How’s the boob bag?

Karl Beck: Total loss L

Melyssa Kennedy: OMG YES! Steve and I are in, right Steve?!

Steve Pak: Don’t I have a say in this?

Melyssa Kennedy: Nope!

Bruno Paula: Since mom and dad are going, I’m going to. Just no sex sounds this time!

Henry ‘Ashka’ Biddle: No promises, daddy is freaky in the woods.

Lanie Duff: I hate you so much.

Kacyn Evanowicz: I guess I’m in to… assuming I can get off of work.

Jamie Rowley: Awesome! I’ll send everyone the info, and we can arrange rides and such.

Lanie Duff: Oh man this is going to be so balling!

Henry ‘Ashka’ Biddle:  ….

Lanie Duff: One word, little man.

John Mellon:  YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BOOZE AND BITCHES!

Danielle Fish: THIS ALSO APPEALS TO ME!

Henry ‘Ashka’ Biddle:  Which part? The booze or the bitches?

Danielle Fish: Do I have to pick one?

Jamie closed the lid to his laptop, he could already feel the begins of a headache coming one. While he considered them all great friends, and wouldn’t trade them for anything in the multiverse, this didn’t mean said friends couldn’t be trying at times. Getting them organized was bad enough, getting everyone there and agreeing on something was going to be a complete nightmare. However, even as he began writing up directions, guest list and what people would need, he knew this would be a great time. In fact, he mused, he was really hoping for this to be the time of their lives! Jamie suddenly stopped and shook his head. “Why does that make me sound like a total creeper” he said out loud. 

As one by one agreed to this fortunate vacation, another watched with almost gitty excitement. It would have taken months, if not years to gather up this many Sundayers in one place, but now Jamie had unknowingly presented the perfect opportunity. Now, the person mused, now I can take them out… one by one.